Decisions Shape Destiny

Clarke regularly has postings that are more philosophical in nature. Recently he had a post (The Big Picture in Scouting) that got me thinking about something sort of philosophical rather than the regular practical stuff. That’s kind of scary but here goes.

Mom and Dad have an eight year old Cub Scout. Maybe he plays soccer, he’s fairly predictable most of the time, probably has a steady group of friends that are more likely to be boys than girls.

In ten years that boy will be a completely different person and the darling 8 year old boy will be a fond memory. In ten years he’ll be a larger, louder, young man who hangs out with girls and drives all over town. He has different friends now and he’s likely to be kind of full of himself. Those changes leave his parents (especially his mother) wondering what the heck he will do next.

As young men grow up many emotional and mental changes are instigated by the physical processes of puberty. These are inevitable. But most of the things he will become are determined by the decisions he makes; and he has to make some very important decisions. Not just college, career, job, or military types of decisions. I’m thinking about important decisions we don’t often talk about:

Am I going to steal the iPod/knife/pencil/loose change/DVD lying there on the table?

What am I going to say when mom asks me whether I finished my homework?

What am I going to say to my teacher?

How am I going to react when my girlfriend comes on to me very physically?

 Am I going to give my friend the five bucks I owe him even though I’m pretty sure he forgot about it a year ago?

I told Fred that I would help him with his Eagle Project but now a bunch of guys from band want to go to a concert. What should I do?

I have a paper due Monday and I found a great paper online that I could use.

What should I do with the $4.00 in my pocket left over from two guys in the patrol who couldn’t come grocery shopping with us this time?

That dweeb who is always picking on me is walking this way. If extend my foot just a little as he walks by he might have a very embarrassing accident right here in front of everyone! Would that be cool?

Fred is having a party Friday night and I know for sure that there will be alcohol and drugs there for the taking; should I go or not?

Your son is faced with this sort of thing every day. One wrong decision doesn’t usually ruin a person’s life but a string of bad decisions can lead to habits that are tough to break and, left unchecked, can cause real trouble.

I believe very firmly that the experiences he has and the ideals he learns in Scouting help a young man make good decisions.

As we’re growing up we have to choose between cheating and lying or fair play and honesty. When we’re between a rock and a hard place do we take the honorable or easy way out?

Young men lie and cheat more often than you’d like to think because honesty and integrity don’t come naturally, they must be taught. Truth be told laziness, getting something for nothing, the path of least resistance and mindless distractions are pretty much the natural state of being for young men.

What?! Wait a minute there! Not my son!

Yes, your son, and mine and every other boy. How can I be sure? Well, I was a boy once and I’ve been a father to two sons and I work with boys; that’s the way things are – trust me.

Scouting teaches integrity and honesty in three principal ways:

1. The Scout Oath and Law
The principles at the foundation of Scouting are emphasized throughout the program. Repetition and recital are good things. Practicing the principles of Scouting as a trained boy leader in a troop is even better.

2. The small group (patrol) experience.
Dishonest businessmen don’t prosper in small towns because, before long, everyone knows what they are up to. A Scout patrol is like a small town; you can’t really fool the guys that you work with each week and live with one weekend each month.

Tell a lie or steal something in your patrol and there’ll be consequences. It’s not that Scouts aren’t forgiving, but they have a breaking point. They may seem to ignore misdeeds because they are not so confident confronting them with their peers. Don’t be fooled; the consequences will come. Scouts who aren’t honest don’t get elected to leadership positions, they are subtly ostracized. They get left out of things that they so desperately crave.

Scouts soon learn which type of behavior is productive and which is destructive. This informs their decisions, perhaps among the first ones they truly make for themselves. Almost all will realize that lying, stealing, cheating and laziness are counterproductive. A very few may not.

3. Real responsibility for accomplishments and shortcomings.
Advancement through ranks is important but I’m writing about the rewards of completing an eight mile backpacking trip, a twenty mile canoe trip or even a trip to Switzerland. The experience is rewarding in itself but the sense of accomplishment will last forever. Planning, preparing and participating in Scouting builds a repertoire of skills, experiences and memories that a Scout will carry throughout his life.

Scouts also experience disappointment sometimes. If they fail to plan and prepare they miss out. Scouting does not guard them from responsibility for their actions but it provides plenty of support and a safe environment for making mistakes.

In junior high I was skinny, bony, asthmatic, and socially inept: a bit of a dork. I clearly remember three experiences that had an important effect on my attitude, decision making skills, and future accomplishments.

The first happened when I was elected senior patrol leader in my troop. All these years later I have few memories of what actually happened while I was senior patrol leader. But I do remember clearly that after being elected my fear of accomplishment was gone. I could stand in front of any audience, I could plan. I began talking to people, and I began getting things done (even the occasional homework assignment).

The second happened when my English teacher had the audacity to assign a project that required I give a speech in front of the class. I made up my mind that there was no way I was going to stand up and give that speech. After many chances and encouragements the teacher called my mom. I was warned that I would receive an F if I did not give this speech. I got an F.

That F really bothered me and led to serious self-evaluation. I realized that my teacher and my parents had treated me better than I deserved; that they did not give up on me. Realizing that changed my life and I changed my attitude. I went into the 10th grade a different person. So much so that people noticed and commented on it.

The third happened on my way home from a trip with the Explorer Post from our church. We stopped for a picnic lunch and the boy leaders spread a tablecloth on the table and brought out the food. I remember being amazed at how well everything was orchestrated.

My hand was an inch from a big, juicy sandwich when a voice startled me to attention: “Hey, junior! Wait, we are not ready yet!” I turned around slowly and looked up at the young man who was Explorer Post President. He led us all through a minute or two of reflection followed by grace. When he was done he looked down at me and said; “Go ahead, junior, it’s time to eat!”

From that day on I wanted to be that guy. (I still do!)

Every darling 8 year boy old will change. One day (and that day will come sooner than you think) he’ll be 18 and leaving home for college or the military or to go to work.

The man your 8 year old becomes on that day will be shaped by the decisions he makes, the people he associates himself with and the guidance he receives.

Scouting is aimed at giving him the opportunities, associations and guidance to assure he develops integrity, honesty and a strong sense of confidence in himself and others.